Friday, December 6 2002

By DAVID EPPS
Pastor

I took last Tuesday off and did almost no church work. I needed the break and a few chores around the house needed to be done.

Late in the afternoon, I was sweeping the garage with one of those push brooms that cover a wide area and has a long handle. As I pushed the dust and leaves toward the outside, I realized that I was sweeping the way that I had been taught by my very first boss back during the winter of 1968-69.

I never held a real job during high school until my senior year. Between football, karate, and dating, there was little time for work. Or for study, for that matter, which is why I got out of high school with a cumulative average of 80. Back in those days, 80 was a low C and just four point shy of a D. Now, of course, an 80 is a low B, which helps my self-esteem somewhat.

Anyway, after the end of my senior year of football at Dobyns-Bennett High School in Kingsport, Tenn., my dad decided to stop financing my dating life, suggesting that if I wanted to continue to go on dates, it was necessary that I get a job. Mindy Davis was a junior and member of the marching and concert bands who occupied most of my thoughts and all of my Friday and Saturday nights. She was pretty, had short brown hair, and flashed a lovely smile. Mindy (actually her given name was Melinda) played the flute and won the talent competition in the Kingsport Junior Miss Pageant one year. I starting looking for a job.

After searching for several days, I landed a job as a part-time janitor at the Eleanor Dress Shop on Broad Street in downtown Kingsport. I worked an average of 14 hours a week for which I was paid the princely sum of $14, which was enough to have at least one movie and dinner date on the weekend. My duties included emptying the trash cans, washing the windows, vacuuming the inside of the store, and sweeping the front entrance and the sidewalk in front of Eleanor's. Sweeping, I discovered, was part art and part science, or so the manager said as she demonstrated how to sweep a sidewalk using a push broom.

Life was interesting as a janitor. All the salesladies, who were in the 30s and 40s, flirted with me and the people who walked by me on the street as I was sweeping took pains to ignore me. We did have a bit of excitement one day when a crook snatched a lady's purse and ran down the street toward where I was sweeping.

A cop was about 30 yards behind him and losing the foot race as the bad guy outdistanced him. I stepped out of the way and the crook ran by saying, "Thanks," as he passed. The flustered police officer, overweight and out of breath, stopped in front of me and yelled, "Why didn't you stop him?" All I could think to say was, "I was sweeping."

One day, the manager at the dress shop announced that it was time to put the spring clothing out in the display windows and gave me the task of washing the mannequins after the salesladies undressed them. Grabbing a bucket of hot water, soap, and rags, I headed to the windows to begin washing the dummies. After about a half-hour, I heard a tapping on the window. I turned to find four of my football teammates, all wearing their letter jackets, standing on the sidewalk and grinning ear to ear. It was only then that I realized that I was soaping down five of the most naked female mannequins you can imagine.

"So, you finally got to third base, huh, Epps?"

"Well, at least these women won't talk back to you!"

And other comments which, even now, shouldn't appear in print. It wasn't long before most of my friends at school were kidding me about the naked mannequins and taking a run at being witty. Even the salesladies at the store teased me about being alone in a window display with five nude females.

Eventually, the job ended and I graduated "magna cum barely" from DBHS. I went off to the Marine Corps and a year later Mindy went to Agnes Scott College and then to Vanderbilt. As with most high school romances, ours ended. Even after we quit dating, we remained friends for several years. She married the principal of the elementary school where she worked in North Carolina and had some kids, how many I do not know.

After the Marines, I went on to graduate cum laude from the university and summa cum laude from seminary, which surprised everybody. I married my college sweetheart, who is now a university professor. I am now a patriarch with three sons and six grandchildren and Dr. Cindy and I celebrated 31 years of marriage last Sept. 6. Which is the story of how and why I learned to sweep.

[Father David Epps is rector of Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church, which meets at 10:00 a.m. Sundays at 4881 E. Hwy 34 between Peachtree City and Newnan. He may be contacted at 770-252-2428, at FatherDavidEpps@aol.com or at www.ctkcec.org.]

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