Friday, November 15, 2002
Friday, November 15, 2002 |
| To
boldly go where no man has gone before
By Rick Ryckeley The Wife and I were coming back from dinner when it happened. I was asked to go where no man should go the sheer mention of the place strikes fear in the hearts of most men. The very thought of going there has brought the strongest down to his knees many have gone; few have lived to tell about it. It's a place that women go without fear, many times a day, but I know of no man that has gone and come back unchanged. My peerless journey into this uncharted territory started harmlessly enough with a simple request from The Wife. While driving she asked, "Honey, will you get me some Chapstick it's in my purse." Oh, the horror! Now you men out there, I know what you're thinking. You can't believe I've survived the trip and lived to write about it and you're correct. For a little while there, it was close, nip and tuck, but I pulled through. I've seen things you should not see, I've been places you need not be, but I survived the ordeal, and so can you. That is, if you follow a few of my simple rules along the way. The first rule when asked to get something out of your wife's or girlfriend's purse is simple: Don't! When asked, just hand them the purse, then that takes all pressure of performing off of you. Trust me, this is the best way. Besides, you will not be able to find what they're asking for anyway. Half the time, you can't find where you put your car keys. What makes you think you can find anything in something as complicated as a purse? Searching through all of those zippers, pockets and buckles; it's enough to make a grown man cry. There's a lot of stuff in one of those little things and just to confuse us men folk, no two are alike. Some have straps, some are strapless, some are large, some are small, some have cute little rhinestones, some are made out of leather, some are round, and some are square, but all have one thing in common. They have so many pockets and hidden compartments that you'll spend the better part of your life looking for stuff in one of those things. So if you get the chance, just hand her the purse you'll be better off. The second rule is similar to the first: If you can't hand her the purse then hand it off. You can maneuver your way nicely out of the high pressure situation by handing off her purse to another female in the car. They can easily retrieve the item needed in seconds, the same item that would've taken you hours to find if at all. The last rule is easy: Men lose everything, women lose nothing. Why? Because they're better organized than we are? No, of course not they have a purse and we don't. I say the time to put a stop to this inequality is now! Men unite! Our time is at hand. Tired of spending hours every week looking for your car keys? Don't know where that elusive book of stamps ran off to? Can't remember where you put the power bill? Then the new Male Purse is for you! Not to be confused with the fanny pack, the new Male Purse is versatile yet stylish and goes with any ensemble. Going to the gym for a quick workout? Just try our athletic gray MP with Velcro closures. Water resistant and sweat resistant the athletic gray MP is prefect for the man on the go. Ready for a night on the town, dressed only in blue jeans and tee shirt? No problem. Then night time Male Purse with long shoulder strap is the right one for you. The nighttime MP comes in three colors: battle ship gray, blue jean blue, and golden beer. For that really special time, the night time MP comes equipped with a fully retractable, twist-top beer bottle opener. Yes, you too can easily find all of those everyday important items by just looking in your very own Male Purse. If you decide not to be a trend setter the first on your block with a new Male Purse then I guess you could do what I do with those important-can't-lose-items like car keys. I just ask The Wife to put them in her purse. That way, the next time I can't find my keys she not only will know where they are, but she will be amused and entertained as I spend hours tearing up the house looking for them. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.]
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