Friday, November 1, 2002
Friday, November 1, 2002 |
| It's
vitally important to have that secret weapon a Computer Guy
By Rick Ryckeley Today we have cameras that can take pictures without using film, cell phones that can send pictures to other cell phones and computers that can print those pictures at your house. But even as wonderful as these inventions of today are, some things are more important to have than others. You may have a big house on the golf course, a Mercedes in the garage, a satellite dish and a 60-inch plasma television. But I have something much more important than any of those things, something that is so indispensable in this day and age that I don't think I could live without - I have my very own computer guy. Just who is My Computer Guy, you might ask? You don't think me a fool, do you? My Computer Guy will remain nameless. He's mine, and you can't have him. Besides, if you knew who he was, he would be out there fixing your computers, then who will be here to fix mine? The Boy has educated me a lot about the inner workings of computers lately. Did you know that a downloaded virus will eat your entire computer system and all the valuable data files stored on it - whether you've backed them up or not? I asked The Boy, "If we cut off the computer, will the virus go away?" The Boy answered, "It will eventually stop - when there's no more data to destroy. That's when your new computer turns into a $1,000 paperweight." This is not exactly what I wanted to hear. A little hint to the "not so savvy" computer people out there (like me): When you push the little white power button on the box marked "computer" and it just makes a whirling, grinding sound as the screen blips on and off - well, now, that's a bad thing. If you still haven't figured out the TV/VCR/DVD remote, if you didn't take computerese as a second language in high school, or if you don't know the difference between a megabyte and a mosquito bite, then you too might need a computer guy in your life. The night The Boy downloaded a virus; our computer died an agonizing death. No amount of button pushing, poking, cussing or praying had any effect on the blinking computer screen. Nothing seemed to work; that's when I made the call. That's when I called My Computer Guy. Late Saturday night My Computer Guy answers our frantic call for help, "The computer's got a virus and all my files are gone!" He dashes to the hall closet, throws open the door and dons his white lab coat and trusty electronic utility tool belt. He goes through the checklist to see that all his tools are in order - making sure not to forget the most important one of all: the wire-cutting-monkey-grabbing-plier-thingies. He hugs the kids, kisses the wife goodbye, and jumps into his red and white electronics van. In a cloud of dust he's off, leaving his warm house and loving family behind as he ventures out into the darkness of night to answer my call for help. Within minutes, he's speeding towards our house and the virus stricken $1,000 paperweight - of course, always following the posted speed limits along the way. Upon arrival he went to work, unplugging all the cords and taking the back off the computer. Right away he said he knew what the problem was; he had seen it many times before: a downloaded virus had eaten our mother board. I asked him if that was bad; he just looked at me and smiled. I asked, "How can I prevent this from ever happening again?" He answered, "Get rid of the teenager." My Computer Guy is very smart; he has three teenagers. I told him, "If it's all the same to you, I'll keep my teenager a while longer, but I rather not keep the virus. Is there anything you can do?" He said it would be no problem to fix the computer and pulled out his wire-cutting-monkey-grabbing-plier-thingies from his electronic utility tool belt and went back to work. I told The Boy to go watch. Maybe he could learn a trade and make lots of money so I can retire. As he walked off, The Boy said, "Dad, you better be nice to me 'cause I could be the one to pick out your retirement home." I believe that kid's getting smarter every day. Five trips to the van, a new mother board, a sound blaster card, one spilt soft drink later, our computer was up and running once again. My Computer Guy gathered up his tools, said goodbye and climbed back into his red and white electronics van. He drove off with the satisfaction that yet another computer owner in distress had been helped, another virus had been eradicated, a job well done, and two hundred dollars in his pocket. Now I know some of you may doubt me; you may even think My Computer Guy isn't real. Believe me, he's real, and over the years he's saved my computer many times. But just remember, he's mine and you can't have him. You'll have to get your own computer guy, and that could prove to be somewhat difficult. For you see, My Computer Guy has a white lab coat, a red and white electronics van, and the only pair of wire-cutting-monkey-grabbing-plier-thingies in town. [Rick Ryckeley is employed by the Fayette County Department of Fire and Emergency Services. He can be reached at firemanr@bellsouth.net.]
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