Sunday, September 9, 2001
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Sunday, September 9, 2001 |
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Here's help for dads, daughters and dating
By DAVID L. CHANCEY
Along with a fine son, I am blessed to have three wonderful, beautiful, talented daughters (do I sound like a proud father, or what?). When our first was born, we liked the name Rebecca. Then we liked Rachel for our second girl. That was a good biblical name. Then when our third daughter came along we decided to stick with the biblical "R" names and went with Ruth. When we were expecting our fourth child we found ourselves in a bind. If we had a boy, he would be Jonathan. That was our choice for a boy's name all along since I liked that Jonathan and David relationship in scripture. If we had a girl, and we were to stay biblical and follow our "R" precedent, then we could choose from Rhoda, Rizpah, or Rahab. Rhoda was the girl who answered Peter's knock at the door upon his release from prison in Acts 12, Rizpah was a concubine, and Rahab was a prostitute. Not much of a choice, so when Jonathan came along, he bailed us out. When dating came along, we entered a new stage in raising daughters. We established ground rules and curfews. "Nobody else's parents imposed rules and curfews," but we did anyway. It's not that we don't trust our girls. We're just concerned about those boys. That's why I was so relieved when the "dad's, daughters and dating kit" came along. This handy kit makes it so much easier to get to know the boys that call on our daughters. Maybe you use something like this. The kit begins with an "Application for Permission to Date My Daughter." After securing the usual name, address, phone number, etc. the essay questions begin: • In 50 words or less, what do the words "don't be late" mean to you? • In 50 words or less, what does "don't touch my daughter" mean to you? • In 50 words or less, what does "wait until marriage" mean to you? The application continues with questions like "How often do you attend church?" and "When is the best time to interview your mother, father, pastor, last girlfriend's parents?" Another question is "What is your preferred dating activity: walk in park, watch a school play, or miniature golf?" The application closes with the requirement to attach a complete police record and latest academic transcript and a note: "Please allow four to six years to process." Along with the application, the kit includes "Daddy's Rules of Dating," which you can adapt to your own situation. Just present these to the guy when he picks up your daughter so he'll clearly understand your expectations: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, as long as you don't peer below her neck. Just look into her beautiful eyes. If you choose to wear your trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off your hips, that is your fashion business. However, if you show up at my door with half of your boxers showing, I will gladly take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist before you leave so your clothes will not fall off during your date with my daughter. Just trying to help. I'm sure you're enlightened and know all about birth control. You've probably heard of barrier methods and studied today's health concerns. Just understand, if you get any ideas about my daughter, realize I'm the barrier and your continued healthiness should be a grave concern. As you stand around waiting for my daughter to appear and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. Just understand my daughter is putting on her makeup, or curling her hair, or doing her nails, or something that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate bridge. Instead of standing there, just do something useful with the time, like changing the oil in my car. Understand that if this date evolves into "going out," you are not to break up with my daughter because that will make her cry. However, it is her prerogative to break up with you at anytime. Finally, the following places or things are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: wherever there are sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; wherever there is darkness, dancing, or soft music; movies with mush or strong romantic themes; and any parking lot. Why not just take her to visit the nursing home? Finally, do not lie to me or mess with me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-age dimwit, but when it comes to dating my daughter, I am the sovereign ruler of your universe. And don't you forget it! The Rev. Dr. David L. Chancey is pastor, McDonough Road Baptist Church, 352 McDonough Road in Fayetteville. The church family welcomes you to Bible study at 9:45 a.m. and worship at 10:55 a.m. this Sunday).
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