Wednesday, October 4, 2000
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Wednesday, October 4, 2000 |
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Kids who've suffered loss find help in 'Rainbows' By SALLLIE SATTERTHWAITE Two women Linda Lake of Fayetteville and Diana Palma of Tyrone touched by the needs of children and teens who have experienced loss, are bringing Rainbows to Fayette County. In Georgia alone, it is estimated there are 60,000 single-parent families, and very few resources helping their children to heal. Rainbows is not therapy or counseling, but facilitator-led peer groups which encourage children to recognize and share the normal feelings associated with grief. By developing relationships with other struggling children, kids learn coping skills and begin rebuilding lives shattered by death, divorce, or a move. When Lake was a flight attendant "years ago," she says she was haunted by the bewildered faces of "unaccompanied minors" traveling to visit their non-custodial parents, then home again, saying good-bye to parents at either end of the journey. Divorced parents, she noted, get on with their lives, begin dating and make a new start, and assume that since they feel better about what has happened, their children are OK too. But often they are not, and are unable or unwilling to tell the adults in their lives. "Sure wish we'd stop thinking our kids are tough," Lake says. "There's lots going on on the inside and so many need loving help." She's not blaming parents, she adds quickly. "When a child loses someone they love, they usually don't tell their families of their feelings because they don't want to hurt their parents any more than they already are." Now director of a church youth ministry in Peachtree City, Lake remembered those grieving children when she heard about Rainbows from a middle school teacher in her congregation. The teacher praised the program but lamented the limitations of the public school setting, in which she could not mention God or the healing power of prayer. Lake learned, however, that Rainbows was originally conceived by a Catholic mom in Chicago who wanted for her sons the kind of peer support she found following a divorce. The organization that grew from her efforts has a religious program, offered in several Baptist and United Methodist churches in Georgia, as well as in Jewish temples. Palma, meanwhile, had left her teaching position at Sandy Creek High School to go back to graduate school for computer skills that would help her husband's medical supply business. It was a good growth experience, but she "needed an outlet I still wanted to work with kids," she says. She was touched by the devastation of kids because of divorce, but also "from moving, even the loss of a pet. And kids in single-parent families get very close to grandparents, then lose the grandparent. Being in a single-parent family makes a child 87 percent more likely to experience some kind of harm or neglect." So Palma volunteered with Lake to make Rainbows available through their church, Christ Our Shepherd Lutheran. Palma coordinates training for the unpaid facilitators who meet with the kids, and Lake sees to it that space and time are available in the church. Here's how it works. Children may be referred by parents or caretakers and join groups by age: Rainbow for kindergarten through eighth grade, Spectrum for ninth through 12th, Kaleidoscope for young adults, and Prism for single parents. Parents and kids must commit to attend for six weeks in the fall, followed by a "Celebrate Me Day," and then again for the same time frame in the spring. During the fall session, discussion focuses on how families communicate, what's important to them, and how they handle problems, Palma said. "At the end of the fall session, they are encouraged to let some of that go and give forgiveness. "In the spring when they come back, they're investigating a little bit deeper into topics of step-families, blended families, single-parent families, working parents, absentee parents," she continued, "trying to learn to express honestly and clearly their feelings about these situations, and by the end they are ready for acceptance and forgiveness." Sometimes families don't meet their attendance commitment, and that's OK, she said. "That means they may not be ready to deal with it. The program is designed for kids who have had a little time to process [their experience]. When they're ready to talk openly and honestly, they're usually ready to work through the stages and heal." Curriculum material costs about $25 per child, according to Lake. Rainbows asks for a donation of $18 per family, with the remaining costs absorbed by the sponsoring group. Public funding, available to secular Rainbow groups, is not available for churches like Christ Our Shepherd which allow nondenominational Christian teachings. Scholarships may be awarded to families with financial limitations. For information or an application, Palma may be reached at 770-631-9823, Lake at 770-487-8717. The state headquarters for Rainbows is in Marietta, at 770-321-9636.
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