Forgiveness. It's hard, isn't it?

Hard to give. Hard to receive. Thank God for Jesus. Without Him, it would not only be hard, it would be impossible for me.

I may have told you before. I'm sure I probably have. Forgiveness was impossible for me to write about for the first five or so years of my writing career.

Folks would ask me to write about it, and I would have to say, “I can't.” One couple asked “Why?”

Finally, I had to say, “Because I can't forgive.”

I once heard my sister say to another who asked her forgiveness, “God forgives. I don't.”

I trembled at her words, knowing I was no better than she. Maybe I was even worse. I said nothing.

By the grace of God, she's come a long way. And I have, too. Not only can I now forgive. I can frequently understand with compassion where the one is coming from who has wronged me or mine.

I've tried to figure out how folks who do not have Jesus manage to forgive. I can't. I think I was a pretty decent individual before I came to know Christ as my Savior and friend. In all honesty, I'm not sure there is a great deal of difference in the outward me, the me that others perceive and think they know.

I was raised to be a Christian. I was taught to do good to and for others. And to be good. Upbringing matters. And I turned out to be okay, I suppose.

But you can't be trained to be a Christian, or grow to be Christlike, without Christ. Sooner or later, true colors show through. Becoming a Christian is a miraculous act of grace.

Becoming a Christian required that I recognize I was a sinner. With that recognition came acknowledgment that Jesus Christ was and is the Son of God who came to earth as a sacrificial lamb to die for my sins. But I had to do more than recognize or believe He died for me.

Died? Had I ever done anything worth dying for? Have you? Doesn't matter, really. Degrees of sin melted away at Calvary.

Everything changed as the blood dripped down the beaten and bruised face and body of the Son, and the Son cried out, “Daddy, why have you forsaken me?” There were no big sins or little sins as the Father turned His back on the Son, who took upon Himself the sins of the world so that fellowship with God and man could be restored. When that happened degrees of sin became a non-issue.

Either we sin or we don't. And believe me, we sin. I do and you do. When I recognized the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for me, I repented (became sorry for my sins and instantly wanted to be a better person), thanked Him and asked Him to come into my heart and life. I told Him that I could not live without Him. That's what it had to come to for me.

Pretty words. Prayer rituals. Sunday school. Knowing wrong from right. Trying to do right. Being moral. None of that could cut it. I may have been perceived as a good person, but I was nobody special.

Today, I am special. I am a child of the King. Joint heir with Jesus Christ to all that Heaven holds. But still a sinner, a sinner saved by grace.

A sinner who recognized one day that I did not want to even draw another breath without Jesus in my heart and life. Without Jesus as my friend. With Jesus loving me. Without loving Him in turn.

How do I love Him in turn? By continuing to try to be good? Yes, but I always tried to be good. So what's different?

One difference is that I now can forgive.

Can I do it instantly? Immediately after another has wronged me or someone I love? No, I'm not there yet. But I will be one day.

Right now it takes daily prayer, a daily walking with Christ, daily crawling into Him and cuddling up to the absolutely undefinable love He demonstrated on Calvary. Daily remembrance of the words he whispered from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do...”

Then it becomes easier to forgive.

And when it is still hard? What do I do then? I remember that I must forgive if I would be forgiven. And somehow, I forgive. Because I won't trade the peace I have in knowing and walking with Jesus Christ for anything.

If He can forgive, then surely, in Him, through Him and because of Him, I can forgive, too.

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