Henry Newton Cochran's diary, part 3

This week, Henry tells about a religious experience which marked his life. Since this passage was extremely long, I have omitted parts of it which would not affect the meaning of what he was trying to say:

"Will the reader pardon me for relating the following experiences which to me were the happiest days of my religious life. Are all happier when God first appears to them with a free pardon than they ever are afterward?

"During the summer of 1866 there was a protracted Baptist meeting in progress at Mount Vernon, conducted by Bro. Spencer Harvey. I was very anxious to attend but for two reasons was prevented from doing so in the daytime. First I was compelled to work in order to get something to eat. Second I had no clothing to wear that would admit of me appearing in public.

"I had endeavored from my childhood to raise my feeble voice (perhaps without my heart) to our unseen and unknowable God. While I would pray to him for his love and forgiveness, I would continue the same acts which he had forgiven, and still worship the earthly idols that excluded his love. During the Summer in question I had applied myself more fully to a true understanding of his word. I soon found that my heart was too full of the things of this world to admit God's Grace to enter. I selected a secluded spot and would go everyday to plead with God to accept my heart and at the same time allow me to retain my idols and enjoy the pleasures I so much loved, but each time his Spirit would only close the door of my heart and retreat ...

"I soon came to know if I was to have God's Spirit to dwell with me I must make room for his abode ... I began to make room by casting out those things I cared the least for. After each casting out I would extend the invitation ... for his Spirit to come and dwell in my heart, with the same result, no relief.

"At last I had given up all but one ideal that I was loth to part with and to this one I would cleave asking to be permitted to come to his Throne and bring my idol with me. But the answer was always the same, No other Gods before me. Finally in despair I gave it up also and his Spirit came and made a feast in my heart, and I had joy that was inexpressible.

"... As I before stated, the meeting was now in progress at Mt. Vernon and I wished very much to attend, but I had no suitable clothes to wear, so I would go at night and take a seat in the back ... so as to be in the dark as much as possible while I enjoyed the services so much. ... again when the invitation was given ... I was held back by the thought of my clothing not being fit ... For a while this appeared to be sufficient reason to remain away, but before long God soon told me that whoever is ashamed of him before men he would be ashamed of before the holy angels ... A few nights later the desire was so great that I could resist it no longer. Go forward I must ... and I felt greatly relieved, but now came the real tug of war again, for when the door of the church was opened ... the devil informed me that if I did I would have to be baptized and that I had no change of clothes so I had better stay away. With tears running down my face ... I kept my seat as best I could, but it was very hard to do with the Spirit pleading for me to go forward, Saying my Grace is sufficient for thee. I got up and left the house and went out into the dark with a heavy heart ... I went to my secluded place and poured out my whole soul to God ... the burden was almost unbearable.

"The next evening ... the devil again presented himself with the argument, if you go to church tonight you will not be able to resist the pleading of the spirit, and you will join the church, and then won't you be in a pretty fix? You can't be baptized unless you have a change of clothes. So wait until another time.

"I had been reading in a book (Jay's Commentaries) where a verse from the Bible was given and an essay or sermon was presented from it. I got this book thinking that I could find an excuse that would justify me staying away from church ... I seated myself and opened the book on my lap ...

"If a knife had been stricken into my body the shock would not have been any greater ... The text was this:

" Give glory to the Lord your God before he causes darkness (Jeremiah XIII, verse 16). As soon as I could control my feeling I got up and went to the grove where I fell down on my face before God. I don't remember how long I remained there, but I know it was too late to go to church that night. So I retired for the night with a very heavy heart again. The next evening ... I resolved to go to church regardless of my surroundings. No one who has not had such a personal experience can ever tell how I felt that night.

" ... I went forward and gave my hand, but I did not feel like that I could tell as encouraging an experience as I could have the evening before, but I told enough for them to accept me and I made arrangements to attend the meeting for the rest of the week.

"I fully believe that I was on trial and my failing to make the sacrifice that God had required of me has caused me to suffer more or less from that day to this. Although my heart was made lighter and felt as if every body was a Christian, and would not dare to do a wrong act. Alas, how much I was mistaken, I have found that every body who claims to be a Christian is not good.

" ... My religious life has been a very rough one, and I often feel like I was in 'The Sloth of Despond.' I have some times been in the brush so bad that it appeared a hopeless case. but through God's mercy I still have a hope."

Thanks to Bill Cochran (saltercoc@aol.com) for this wonderful diary. Next week, Henry takes a wife and begins his life as an adult.

Send your south metro Atlanta family histories to The Citizen, Drawer 1719, Fayetteville, GA 30214; E-mail jkilgore@thecitizennews.com or jodiek444@aol.com.

Until next week, happy hunting!

(Judy regrets that time does not permit her to do personal research for others.)